The Holding Cell

A long day and I am putting off my “homework” which is to prepare a paper mache sample for tomorrow’s art class.  After another very sleepless night for over half of the family, I accepted my day’s fate and resigned to take Jimmy to the pediatrician for what was likely another ear infection.  I seriously am starting to think I have some sort of jinx on me that every time A.J. goes out of town on a business trip, one or more of the kids gets sick.  Taking Jimmy also means taking Sawyer and Bart along for the ride.  We made it to the pediatrician’s office still in the window of time for clinic hours.  The assistant at the front desk took pity on me and my plight to not acquire any extra germs in the process of attempting to achieve a healthier status quo for this family.  She said it would be alright if we waited in the teen waiting room instead of the sick room.  Jimmy had not had any fever otherwise I wouldn’t have pleaded my case to be in one of the “well” rooms.  The teen waiting room is about half the size of the other two waiting rooms and has pretty much a direct view through the window in the door across to the nurses’ station.  There is also a carpeted bench that runs along the edges of three sides of the room. Thankfully we were the only ones in this eight by eight holding cell.  We did our usual routine where the boys stayed mild mannered and behaved for all of thirty seconds while I glanced at something on my iPhone and then all hell broke loose.  The boys literally climbed the walls- well benches really and I tried to keep my voice fairly low as I reprimanded them about a thousand times.  They got louder and louder. Sawyer was dancing around in his drunk little frat boy style in his cargo pants.  Jimmy started singing right in Bart’s face.  I tried to stay calm and resist all urges to yank the boys and shake them quiet knowing the nurses would see me and then I would have ended up in a real holding cell. My voice got louder and louder and then by God’s grace some baby getting a shot or strongly disliking his exam began to wail and it canceled out all the chaos of my boys. 

Then Jimmy told me he had to poop.  I lugged Bart in his stroller and Sawyer out into the main hallway to right outside one of the world’s smallest bathrooms.  Due to its tiny size, there was no way we could all fit inside so I left the door cracked for Jimmy to let me know when he was done and I waited against the door in the hall with the other two.  Sawyer was by now pulling a full on WWF performance and hurling his body against the wall at the giant flowers painted on it.  As I am herding him back near me, one of the doctors came walking by to get a chart from the front desk and asked me if I needed any help going so far as to add “I have another five minutes before my first patient arrives.  I can watch the baby for you.”  Clearly we looked like that much of a disaster waiting to happen and thus a liability for him.  In my not enough sleep and definitely not enough coffee mind, it took me about five minutes to figure out how to explain to the doctor politely that I was waiting to wipe my son’s butt.  But thanks for the offer.

One quick exam later with one of the other doctors and we were headed to the pharmacy to get Jimmy’s medicine.  Someone in the marketing department for Safeway sure knows about strategic placement of items in the store.  You have to walk right through the wine and beer section to get to the pharmacy.  I held myself back, but it took a lot of restraint.  In the parking lot, I saw possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen in terms of bad drivers.  Someone even more eager to get out of there than me gunned their engine not realizing that they were in drive instead of reverse.  She managed to park the front half of her camry over the cement median.  She got out, looked around to see that yes someone did notice that did just happen.  She didn’t make eye contact as she checked her car out.  I was speechless, not knowing if I should ask if she was okay which would surely have embarrassed her more or to just stay quiet.  I stayed quiet, but could not help but watch as she got in her car and gunned it in reverse to get the front half back over the cement median with a large crash.  She hopped out and checked for any damage that was visible, saw that there was none and then sped off.  I did see her engine drop out a block away.  Just kidding.  But I am pretty sure her car was messed up underneath.

Due to our surprise trip to the doctor’s office, I had to cancel a meeting with a contractor about our barn.  Another contractor who we had a call into, got back to me after we were home from the morning’s adventure and ended up coming by to give me a quote.  I had high hopes that this meeting would not go so badly. Sawyer was taking a nap.  Bart had been fed and I managed to get Moxie out in the back yard.  For most of the time, it was calm.  Then after we had gone out back to see the location we are hoping to put the barn shed on, Moxie followed us back in.  And firmly planted her beaky snout in the man’s crotch and refused to move.  Bart reached his point of needing to be held because how dare I put him down for ten minutes.  So I was bouncing him on my lap and trying my best to negotiate prices.  I walked the contractor out front and Jimmy followed.  We chatted about some more ideas and aspects of the pricing.  Jimmy sort of flitted back and forth.  Then I heard the front door open and shut and he came walking towards us and his jeans were undone.  I asked if he had gone potty thinking he had just come from our bathroom.  Jimmy proudly yelled that he had just peed in our bushes with a huge grin on his face.  I muttered an apology to the guy who was cracking up as I swore to him that we weren’t a bunch of rednecks.  Though in reality we are building a barn and my son just peed in our front yard.