The Bartism, Barbecue, and the Inefficiency of Motherhood

The Bartism, Barbecue and the Inefficiency of Motherhood

Yesterday afternoon, we finally had Bart’s baptism(dubbed the Bartism by one of my brothers-in-law and one of my nieces).  Murphy’s law always seems to apply in this family.  The original date for the baptism was a couple weeks ago when it was a beyond gorgeous warm, sunny spring weekend.  That day began with Jimmy barfing on our bed in the middle of the night thus postponing the Bartism.  This weekend was a nice dreary drizzly Saturday which put a damper on keeping things 1, 2, and 3 outside most of the weekend enabling me to manage the mess and clean up for yesterday.  So Sunday morning was a major scramble with me superstressed to get the house as good as it would get.  I gave in and resorted to locking a couple bedroom doors. God provided and the sun came out allowing the majority of the maniacs(I mean kids) to play outside for the party afterwards.  It is really ridiculous that I stress so much over the pre-party prep.  The house got cleaned in time and everyone had a good time, myself included so why worry.

There were four other babies being baptized along with Bart yesterday afternoon at our church.  Luckily they all had pretty big crowds of family/friends with them so that our crazy loud, large family blended in for once.  Thanks to modern technology aka the iPod, my older children and their cousins behaved quite well throughout the ceremony.  Bart gave his signal of excitement over officially joining the church with a loud fart right before the final “Amen”.  One of my main concerns during the ceremony was that Bart would have a huge blowout since he had not pooped in a couple days.  Seems like the way my life goes, once I put the antiqued baptism outfit on him(the same one that has been worn by me and my siblings as well as all of our children), Bart would perform his own sort of christening.  I held the matching blanket around Bart’s legs the entire ceremony and because of being over-prepared, Bart cooperated.  He also remained quite happy the entire time.  I felt both sorry for the mom whose baby began wailing mid-ceremony as well as extremely grateful that my baby was happy as a chubby little clam.  Picture taking after the ceremony wasn’t quite the success it used to be when I just had one baby to manage and a few cousins.  Sawyer threw a tantrum and then just layed on the steps by the altar.  Josie almost knocked the giant baptismal candle over.  We got several shots, not sure any are good, but they do clearly illustrate our family’s chaotic nature.  Thank you, Nikki, for being my photographer for the day!

The afterparty for any of our kiddos’ baptisms has always been pretty standard- the whole family on both sides comes back to our house for a tasty barbecue feast and cake.  Due to the size our family has grown to, we now end up ordering a meal that is actually called “the Whole Hog” and then add some extra slabs of ribs.  For the men in the family, this is always the highlight of the baptism.  One of my brothers-in-law even said we should have more kids just so he could enjoy some more barbecue.  If you are local to the D.C. area, Carolina Brothers Pit Barbeque in Ashburn is awesome, check ‘em out, they don’t disappoint!  Also huge thanks to my mom and sister Yvette for manning the kitchen much of the party!  And thanks to Sandi, Todd, and Eva for a last minute ice and beer run!  It is great to have family on both sides who get that after having four kids in six years we will probably never be fully prepared ever again and they just step in and help wherever it is needed.

I love being around our families and seeing how much fun the kids all have together, but there is just something about the post party peace that is completely perfect to me.  Just back to me and my Hunky and my little peeps after a whirlwind of celebrating another milestone.  Sawyer managed to sleep through the entire party so he decided to wake up at 6:30 just as everyone was getting ready to leave.  He and Josie helped me clean up the bikes, trikes, bats, balls, and popup tunnels that were scattered all over the yard.   A.J. had the other two boys inside and Jimmy fell asleep on the couch, wiped out from the day’s events.  Cleanup was easy, maybe not so environmentally friendly based on the amount of trash awaiting trash day tomorrow.  I had a few quiet moments just to breathe before the hustle and bustle of the week began.

On to other topics, my husband A.J. has decided to take it upon himself to be my new efficiency expert/consultant.  All you moms out there(and perhaps some of you stay at home dads) understand that efficient mother is really an oxymoron.  And it becomes an even more laughable term the more children you add.  A couple Saturdays ago, A.J. told me that the big reason I was inefficient was that I had been on the phone nine times before 2PM.  Nevermind that I was in constant motion during most of those calls. The real reasons for my “inefficiency” are things 1, 2, 3, and 4.  These “things” bring every possible variable into any given situation.  And even when they are not the direct cause for my inefficiency, they technically caused my crazy sleep deprived state and thus really are to blame.  Case in point is today’s Cami-genius move of the day.  Game plan for the afternoon was to pick Jimmy up from preschool then drive through Chik-fil-a and then let Sawyer and Jimmy eat their lunch in the car in the parking lot while I fed Bart and chowed down my own lunch.  Then we would head into Walmart to grab some groceries and the items this house always runs out of: milk, diapers, and wipes.  After waiting in the drive through line and finally pulling around to the window, I reach into my beatup black tattered free-gift-from-the-hospital diaper bag for my wallet and then it dawns on me that I had switched my wallet to a real purse the other day when I went by myself to get my hair cut.  But hoping that by some miracle I had switched it back I began to madly throw every single item out of the bag onto the front seat of the Gray Goose. I hurry to tell the girl working the window that I have to go home to get my wallet and then will be right back to pay and get the food.  This young girl obviously knows my life better than I thought and took pity on me and said to just bring the money back later and handed me our bag of food and drinks.  She is my hero of the day.  I speed back home the three miles or so to our house, get the wallet and make our way back to the drive through because there is no way I am taking the boys into the restaurant especially not since it has an indoor play area and also because this has got to be one of the heaviest trafficked Chik-fil-as at lunch time in Northern Virginia.  So I enjoy my lunch as we go back through the line and tell the guy at the ordering speaker that I was the “crazy frazzled mom who forgot her wallet” and profusely thank him and the other woman for being so understanding.  I drive around and pay then head to the Walmart parking lot to feed Bart.  By now Jimmy has fallen asleep.  Sawyer finishes his lunch then hops around the car excited to be freed from his carseat while I feed the baby.  Nothing more relaxing than breatfeeding a baby in the front seat with the hooter hider wrap around me, trying to finish my lunch and prevent my two year old from leaping out the passenger side door.  Forget efficiency, I’d settle for sanity.