Thursday, March 15, 2012

Occupational Hazards & Paying Remembrance


Thank God for the inventor of the Keurig!  Last week our seven and a half year old coffee maker, a wedding present, finally gave in to the pressure of being in a house with a coffee loving maniac like myself.  Gathered up a twenty percent off coupon and managed to find a gift card we had for Bed, Bath and Beyond and sent A.J. on his way.  Alas, we are the proud owners of a Keurig.  It is awesome and might actually be contributing to my bad coffee habits, but I am in love!
My usual Wednesday chaos was even more so yesterday due to the fact that my mother-in-law was sick(most likely due to the fact that she was here watching our kiddos Saturday night in what I thought was a break from Germfest 2012).   I had to drop the two middle boys at my sister’s house so she and my mom could watch them while I taught my art class.  Then Bart and I, along with one of my students who I drive to and from class each week, headed off to today’s house.  For those who haven’t read past blog entries of mine, the group of girls I teach are homeschooled and so each week we alternate to a different one of their houses.  Well in the past I have ended up on one occasion at the wrong girl’s house.  This week’s stroke of genius was that I could not remember the exact address of the house.  So there we are in the Gray Goose and I am trying to determine which house was the correct one.  This very incident should clearly illustrate to all new home developers in this area that you really need to change things up a bit.  Street upon street of similar looking houses does not help me.  I ended up having to call one of the moms whose daughter is in my class, not the mom who was hosting today because I don’t have her phone number programmed in my phone, but next time I will.  I will also remember the red door!!!  And the bay window- all subtle distinctions.  Oh and maybe I will remember the house number as well.
I spent most of my day either driving to or from my sister’s house or hanging out with three or all four of my kids there.  My sister and my mom later had the task of keeping all four of the kids for me so that I could go to a memorial service.  Thank you, Yvette and Mom!!! It meant a lot to me!  Much of my pre-mommy life and some years of my post-mommy life have revolved around working in hospitals.  Starting with one of my internships for my art therapy program in college, I fell in love with working in hospitals and above all with working with people in hospital settings.  It is such a weird concept for some people to wrap their mind around, but I know any of you who have worked in a hospital or still do, can relate.  Unfortunately working in a hospital brings about one very painful occupational hazard and that is having to say goodbye to some pretty awesome patients that you worked with. 
I weaved the Gray Goose through the backroads of Vienna to avoid the major annoyance that is Tysons Corner where the Beltway and toll road and metro construction collide.  Hop on the Beltway near Gallows and it was smoothsailing to the destination.  Making good time until I was around the corner from where the service was and cars were starting to pour out and have to park along this very main road.  I ended up parking in a neighborhood of townhouses a couple blocks away and booked it up the side of this main road, praying that no car would hit me and also that my slightly tight(thank you baby weight!) black pants would not split down the seam of my butt as I was running to make it into the service.  All the while I am thinking, what a testament to this awesome kid’s life(well really young man as he was an adult now!) and to his family.  The service was bittersweet- every bit of it was a reflection of who this kid was.  Everyone who spoke managed to truly capture his essence.  He was a character.  He was really one of a kind.  He had a smile and laugh that still warm my heart to think about.  He was so clever and had a hilarious sarcastic wit about him.  He loved his family. He loved his life and he was just so HAPPY.   I had the privilege of meeting him ten years ago when he was first diagnosed.  Through my work at a cancer support program and then with the Child Life department at the hospital he was treated at, I was able to keep in touch with him and his family through the years.  My work path hadn’t crossed him or his family’s path in a long time, but I found out about him dying and wanted to show support to his incredible family.  I hate the term paying respect- it sounds so formal.  I have decided I like “paying remembrance” better.  Because that is really what you do at any sort of memorial- you remember a person.  You show the family you remembered him and them.  You share stories and memories of that person and how special they were and always will be.  It was heartbreakingly beautiful to see how his siblings have grown because in hospital work like in so many settings of “people” work you get to know families as well.  His parents are still the amazingly strong couple and parents they always were.  I was so glad I could see them after the service and hug them and let them know how much I loved their kiddo.  They love their kids more than life and you can just feel it.  Which is why it was so much harder seeing them again in light of the fact that I now have my own kids.  This family met me before I was even engaged to A.J.  There is so much time and history there.  Despite how sad I felt yesterday and still feel, I know they will get through it and that it will be hard, but they are tough and resilient and will carry each other through.  And based on how many people were packed into the service, have a world of support hugging around them. 
There was one very bright part of the day and that was getting to see another young woman and her mom who I had worked with the same years I first worked with this young man- sounds so funny to call her that as she was a cute spunky teen when I met her.  That bubbly teen beat incredible odds and is now a grown woman, married with a beautiful baby of her own.  Getting to talk to her and her mom and give them huge hugs that say more than any words can, those are the tangibles that get me by.  She told me about getting to see this young guy the night before he died and how he talked to her about Lady Gaga.  He was always so funny like that, up on all the current events and never missing a beat.
I don’t mean for this post to sound like a downer.  It shouldn’t.  I just want people to realize that all those hospital staff(Child Life Specialists, nurses, doctors, techs, secretaries, hospital housekeeping, food services, the coffee cart people in the lobby), they remember you and your children.  They remember you whether you were there just for a brief emergency room visit for your child to get stitches or whether your child has been in and out of the hospital his/her entire life.  

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